Chapter Seventeen: Losing You

Author’s Note 

Well… This is sad. Sorry ahead of time.

Let me know what you think and I hope you enjoy!

-Page Break-                  

Bella stared out at the snow filled ground that surrounded the cabin, she watched snowflakes land on the window and slowly melt. It had been days since she had left Forks, but she couldn’t pull herself to do much of anything. She raised her arm allowing Rosko to make himself comfortable beside her. “I miss home.” She whispered softly to the animal pressing her head into the familiar fur.  “I want to go back.”

-Page Break- 

Jeremy mumbled a soft ‘Thank you’ to Alaric who helped him into his bedroom, the doctors had given him orders to lay down and give his body rest, but he couldn’t sleep in a bed where Bella had been. Jeremy moved pushing his computer chair with his foot up against the window, he took a seat looking out at the Swan house. How many times had he seen his Bumble B climb down that tree?

Jeremy looked down ashamed to see the light on in the living room of the Swan house, he had been told by Alaric that Charlie had stopped by to visit him in the hospital, but as of the last two days the older man was planning Bella’s funeral and Jeremy hadn’t heard a word from Charlie. 

Jeremy wasn’t sure how much time had passed since he sat down, he was only aware time had passed when there was a knocking on the door and the familiar creek as it was pushed open. “I’m fine.” Jeremy mumbled automatically not bothering to look at who had been the one to enter, though his best guess was Alaric. 

“I brought you food, Jer.” Alaric spoke, stepping further into the room and setting the sandwich down on the desk, he made sure not to comment on the fact that Jeremy was staring at the home across the street.

“I’m not hungry.” Jeremy replied turning back to the house, his mind flooding him of the memories of watching Bella climb down the tree to go for a late night jog, remembering the few times she caught him watching and would always wave to him as she left. 

“You haven’t eaten anything since we came back from the hospital.” Alaric spoke frowning, he was starting to realize maybe bringing Jeremy back home wasn’t for the best.  “I know this is hard, but Bella…”

“Don’t.” Jeremy hissed turning his head to glare at Alaric. “I’ll eat as long as you leave me alone. I just want to be by myself.”

Jeremy watched as Alaric nodded closing the door and leaving the words unspoken between them. Jeremy ignored the food turning back to look at the house across the street, he desperately wanted to see Bella pop out of her window, see her smile when she caught him watching and wave at him before she took off.  He wanted her here. 

Jeremy took in a breath moving quickly, he made his way out his own window, being careful not to aggravate his already broken arm. He made the slow walk across the street, knowing in the pit of his stomach that he could knock on the door, but he wasn’t ready to see Charlie. He moved instead to the side of the house looking at the familiar tree that had so often been a ladder to Bella’s room, even with his broken arm he could manage the familiar track to the window. He was as quiet as he could be as he climbed into the room, he paused standing by the window and took in a deep breath catching the smell of Bella’s perfume that was still lingering in the room. 

Jeremy moved towards her desk running his hand along the edge, catching the glimpse of the half-finished homework she had still been working on. He sighed and moved to the bed, it was perfectly made as it was every morning. He laid himself down on the bed, pulling her blanket over him and letting her familiar scent fill his senses. He never wanted to get to the day where he couldn’t remember what she smelled like, what she felt like. 

“I miss you, Bumble B.” Jeremy whispered into the room, hoping that maybe Bella’s spirit could hear him. “I just want to see you again.”

-Page Break- 

With shaking hands Charlie opened the door, he hadn’t been in the room since the night she passed, a part of him didn’t even want to enter the room, but Alaric had called worried when he noticed Jeremy wasn’t in his room and Charlie’s hut told him exactly where the younger man was. 

The older man let out a sigh seeing Jeremy bundled up in Bella’s bed, Charlie noted how the young man looked like a ghost of himself, pale skin and dark circles under his eyes. Sending a quick message to Alaric Charlie turned and headed down the stairs, he frowned as he entered the kitchen and the smell of rotting food in the sink was the first thing to hit his senses, but that was something he would have to get to later, he had something to do before then. 

Charlie opened the fridge getting the last of the milk to make some cereal, maybe he could get Jeremy to eat something. 

Charlie headed back up the stairs, chuckling as he entered the room and saw Jeremy opening the window. “You’re going to end up breaking the other arm, son.”

Jeremy paused, turning to face Charlie, but his eyes focused on the floor not being able to meet Charlie’s gaze. “Sorry, Chief, I just…”

“Missed her.” Charlie replied with a sigh, setting the bowl down on the bed. “Finish that before you go. God knows, I won’t eat the sugary stuff. No idea why Bells bought it, she never ate it either.”

“They’re my favorite.” Jeremy responded looking at the cereal, it was such a small piece of their daily routine. “Used to eat them in the morning when I stopped by on the way to school.” 

Charlie noticed the hesitation from Jeremy and gestured again to the bowl. “Go on, eat it.”

Jeremy nodded moving back towards the bed and reaching for the bowl. He ate slowly wanting to fill the space, he didn’t know if he was ready to talk to the chief. He was sure the man hated him for letting Bella die. 

“I know what you’re thinking.” Charlie spoke breaking the silence. Jeremy looked up at him suddenly, he was more than ready to run and leave. “I was there, kid. You did your best to save her.”

“I can’t help feeling that I could have done more.” Jeremy whispered his eyes swelling with tears. “I’m so sorry, sir. It should’ve been me…”

“If it had been you, I would be having this exact conversation with her.” Charlie spoke quietly tears swelling his eyes as he thought about his daughter. “You have to know kid, she loved you and she would always choose for you to be alive.”

Jeremy wiped at his eyes. “I really love her, I don’t know what to do now.”

Charlie placed a comforting hand on Jeremy’s shoulder. “We take things one step at a time. It’s going to be hard, but we owe it to her live the life she can’t.”

Jeremy looked at Charlie and nodded, “I wanted my life to be with her.”

“I know son.” Charlie responded he placed his arm around the boy’s shoulder trying to offer him comfort. 

-Page Break- 

Jeremy stared in silence at his reflection in the mirror, the black suit was nicely fitted to him. His mind couldn’t help but remember that today he was meant to be wearing a suit for another reason. He was supposed to be standing beside his Bumble B taking the cheesy pictures all parents want on prom night, he wasn’t supposed to be getting ready for her funeral. 

“Hey.” Elena spoke poking her head into the room. “I knocked, but you weren’t answering.”

Jeremy turned to look at his sister, more than a little surprised that she was there. “I didn’t know you were coming.” 

“I didn’t want you to do this alone.” Elena replied sincerely taking a seat on the bed her eyes trained on her brother as he still stood before the mirror. “You look like dad in that suit.”

Jeremy paused looking at his sister and then back to his reflection. “I was supposed to wear it to prom.” He glanced at the handkerchief and his breath halted. “Bumble B was going to wear a green dress… I went with her to pick it out and she told me this suit was…”

Elena stood as her brother’s voice broke at the words. “Jer.”

“She said we would keep the pictures for the rest of our lives.” Jeremy took in a breath he let out a quiet sob when he felt Elena’s hand on his back. “I thought we had the rest of our lives together.”

Elena’s heart broke when Jeremy fell to his knees clutching the green handkerchief close to his chest as he finally broke. Elena kneeled down beside him wrapping her arms around her brother holding him as tightly as she could. “I wanted you to get that future too.” She whispered as she held her brother together. 

“It wish it would have been me.” He cried as he finally spoke the words he had been hiding from himself. 

“I didn’t know Bella as well as you, but even I know that she loved you.” Elena spoke in a whisper. “I know you loved her too, so you have to let it hurt. And you have to eventually get back up and live the life you both wanted. If you can’t do it for yourself, then you have to do it for her.”

Elena held her brother until his tears slowed down and his breathing evened out. 

“Will you sit with me?” Jeremy questioned softly as he regained his composure. 

“I’ll be with you every step of the way.” Elena responded she helped her brother to stand, grabbing a tissue to clean up his face a little. “You’re not alone in this.”

Jeremy walked beside his sister to the car, he ignored the exchanging of looks between Alaric and Elena and got into the car. He looked out the window as they made their way to the cemetery, he tried to control his breathing, but he felt his chest tighten as they parked. 

Elena stepped out of the car with Alaric, both of them looking at the car waiting for Jeremy. “This has really taken a hit on him.”

“This wasn’t some everyday teenage romance, Elena.” Alaric spoke softly looking at the young woman. “This was real for him and for her. They were young, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t prepared to spend their lives together. She’s gone and now a part of him is too.”

Jeremy stepped out of the car and looked at the two, he nodded his head and looked out seeing the tent in the distance set-up just in front of the grave where everyone was gathered. Jeremy froze his heart pounding as he looked at the sleek black casket, he felt his heartbeat pick up at the site of where she was.

Elena slipped her hand in Jeremy’s. “You’re not alone. We’re with you.”

Jeremy nodded he looked at his sister. “I’m not ready for this.” He squeezed her hand tightly. 

“One step at a time, Jeremy.” Alaric responded placing his hand on Jeremy’s back. 

Jeremy took in a deep breath and slowly walked towards the tent. He did his best to ignore the looks he was getting from everyone; he was sure that the entire town was gathered under and around the tent. He was going to take a seat in the back, but paused when he heard Charlie’s voice. 

“Come here, son.” Charlie spoke standing at the front, he gestured Jeremy over, Elena and Alaric following him.  

Jeremy took a seat beside Charlie and soon the priest began to speak, but Jeremy couldn’t focus on what he was saying. In the back of his mind he knew they were reading one of Bella’s favorite poems, but his eyes were focused on the casket, knowing she lay in there, alone.

He could register people speaking to Charlie and then to him, and he could nod, but as much as he tried, he couldn’t speak to them. He could feel the rain start to fall and the sound of people leaving, he didn’t notice when his sister dropped his hand or when she and Alaric left. 

“Is it going to stop hurting?” Jeremy whispered out as he turned to look at the chief who was still sitting beside him. “Everyone has been telling me it’s going to be okay, but…”

“It’ll never stop.” Charlie responded honestly. “But one day you’ll wake up and it won’t hurt as much to get out of bed. Today just isn’t that day for either of us.” Charlie stood. “Come on, son, lets get out of the rain.”

Jeremy shook his head, “I just want one more moment.” 

“Take your time.” Charlie responded doing his best to not tear up as he looked at his daughters casket for the final time. 

Jeremy stood, he walked out from underneath the tent slowly getting soaked by the rainfall. He approached the casket placing his hand on roses that the guest had left behind. “I miss you.” he whispered.

After several minutes in silence Elena appeared again stepping under the rain with her brother. “Jer?”

“Did I ever tell you how we met?” Jeremy questioned his sister as he turned to look at his sister.

“No, but I’d like to hear the story.” Elena responded holding out her hand to her brother. “Preferably out of the rain.”

Jeremy nodded taking his sister’s hand. “Thank you for being here, Elena.”

-Page Break- 

Luther approached the home where Jeremy was currently sleeping, his head turned as Vanessa appeared beside him. “How is he?”

“Not great, but better.” Vanessa responded simply. “The Volturi?”

“Aro has been reading the minds of dozens of people in town.” Luther responded. “He knows Jeremy is under our protection, but he also knows Bella is dead. They left earlier today back to Italy, I doubt they’ll return. He’s satisfied his plan worked, Bella is dead and our species is left to suffer.”

Vanessa nodded she looked away at the mention of Bella, it didn’t escape anyone the sacrifice she had made for Jeremy and for them. “Have you heard from her?”

Luther shook his head, “She’s deactivated her phone, I wanted to track it, but…” he shook his head as voice broke as he thought of the pain his daughter must be in. “She’s gone and alone, but I know her, I’ve seen her strength, she’ll be okay.”

Vanessa sighed, “Such a heavy weight to carry.” She looked back at the house. “But she’s doing this for him, for us, for her future. We just have to wait for the day she gets to come home.”

“I’ll be leaving town tonight.” Luther responded solemnly. “There are still things I have to take care of. If you get a chance, tell Jeremy I’ll always be available if he wants to speak.” 

Luther turned walking in the opposite direction, he needed to get everything for the ritual, everything for the day Bella returned. 

-Page Break- 

Bella stared out the window staring as the snow fell covering everything she could see in white. Her mind kept replaying the promise she had made to Jeremy, she had promised to live, but how could she? How could she be happy if he was suffering?

She turned her head as she heard the soft whimpering from Rosko, being inside the cabin had made him restless. She stared at her pet watching as he shuffled around the small space trying his best to get comfortable. 

“If not for me, then for you.” She whispered getting up she moved grabbing her suitcase and her backpack she moved reaching for the leash and turned to Rosko. “Do you like the sun?” 

He approached her sitting in front of her ready to get his leash on and go. 

Bella kneeled down clicking the leash in place she ran her hands through his fur. “Do you miss him too?” She whispered to Rosko. “We’ll go somewhere with lots of sun and maybe a forest for you to run around in.”

Bella stood grabbing onto her dog as she got ready to teleport, “It’s just us for a while.”