Well… do not hate me for this.
Bella focused on the lines of the highway as she drove. She tried hard to focus her mind on anything else but the pain in her chest as she drove. The burning hole that seemed to be piercing through her as she drove further and further away from Mystic Falls. Further away from him. She shook her head pressing back the tears that seemed to force their way to the surface as she remembered what had happened after Henrik had woken up. The pain she felt when he didn’t recognize her.
Bella looked to Klaus worried as they both stared on at Henrik who was eating some leftover food. There were still no words being said and it was clear what Esther’s spell was meant to do, erase her from his mind.
“Do you mind if I ask what your name is?” Henrik asked looking Bella in the eyes for the first time since he woke up.
“Isabella.” Bella replied, “I prefer the shortened version, though.”
Henrik nodded, “What are you doing here?”
Klaus intervened before Bella could answer. “What do you remember, Henrik?”
“Nothing really, I remember waking up from death in this strange room, it was purple, and then I remember contacting you. After that I remember becoming a vampire. Then you and I left to New York, where I studied law and eventually I became a lawyer. Then we came here because of the doppelganger. That’s really all I remember. Is there something I’m supposed to remember?”
Klaus looked to Bella briefly and noticed as she shook her head. “I suppose not.”
Henrik nodded, “I’m going to go ahead and head upstairs to use the shower. It was a pleasure to meet you, Bella.”
Klaus watched Bella as he could practically see a piece of her break when he didn’t refer to her as Belle. Klaus waited until Henrik was out of earshot to speak. “Why didn’t we tell him the truth?”
“Because I need to tell him, and I need to do it alone.” Bella replied softly. She grabbed her coffee that was more blood than actual coffee. “Remind me to thank Kol for keeping his siblings out of the house.”
Klaus nodded, “I think he was still reacting to seeing your tail, so he’d do almost anything you ask of him.”
Bella nodded, “It can be overwhelming for anyone to see.” She admitted as she swallowed down the rest of her coffee and looked to Klaus. “Nik.” She said in a small voice. “Tell me the chances of getting him back are high, that I will get my Henri, back.”
Klaus nodded, “We won’t stop until he’s back to his old self.”
Bella nodded her head preventing the tears from overpowering her and come rushing out. “Thank you.” She replied back softly.
Klaus stepped forward and gave Bella a hug and letting her cry onto his shoulder. “We’ll figure something out. It won’t stay like this forever.”
Bella shook her head. “I hope not.”
Bella reached up and wiped away a tear. It had stung more than anything else in her life hearing him call her Bella she was his Belle, but he didn’t know that. She was no longer anything special to him, she was just a stranger.
She kept thinking back to him and the way he didn’t know who she was had been ripping her apart. The worst of it was that he didn’t seem to feel her. She wasn’t just gone in his memories she was gone in his heart as well.
It had practically killed her when she realized the truth.
-Back to the memories-
Bella entered the library and took a seat on the small sofa. She grabbed the book that had been left on the coffee table and flipped to the marked page. By the small hint of scent that was left on the book she knew it had to have been Henrik who left the book behind. She ran her fingers across the page as this had probably been the closest she had been to him all day. It was almost as if he were avoiding her like the plague all day.
Bella turned her head as she heard someone enter. “Henrik.” She said as she sat up straighter and set the book down. “Are you feeling well?”
Henrik nodded, “I’m well, thank you.” He grabbed the book that Bella had just set down. “May I ask you a question, Bella?”
Bella nodded she clasped her hands together to stop her from reaching out to him as he sat beside her. The space he left between them giving her the hint that he really didn’t want her close to him. “Of course, you can ask me anything you wish.”
“Why are you here?” Henrik questioned curiously. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I’ve searched my memories I can’t remember you. I believe the best way to handle this situation is to be truthful. I didn’t want to tiptoe around the question. Can you please tell me why you’re here?”
Bella took in a deep breath. “I didn’t expect such a loaded question right off the bat.” She admitted as she tried to search her mind for some sort of answer.
“Excuse me for seeming forward, but I don’t want to waste time when it comes to this.” He replied seriously as he waited for her to answer. He paused as he took in her expression. “Is this too much for you to handle? If so, I can simply ask Niklaus for clarification on this subject.”
Bella shook her head. “No, it would be unfair to ask him to do this. If anyone is going to answer this question it should be me.”
“Take your time.” He said as he watched her curiously taking in all her movements.
“We met when I was young. You were my best friend and when I got older you were more than a simple friend. In order not to take too long with this story, I’ll make it as short as I possibly can. You were the one to change me, Henrik. You were also my first in every aspect. We got married, twice. You knew everything about me, just as I did you. We were two halves of a whole.” Bella said as she avoided his gaze being fearful of what she would find there. “We came here because we both wanted to help Nik break his curse. Your mother cursed you with this spell that has cause you to lose all memories of me. She wanted you to lose what you loved the most. Esther wished to hurt you for hurting her.”
Henrik tilted his head, he stood with his book in his hands. “Thank you for speaking to me, Bella.”
Bella watched him leave the room, something inside her felt like it was seconds away from breaking as he left. There was nothing, not a twinge of knowing in his eyes, not anything that even suggested he knew who she was. The fact that he seemed so indifferent was killing her.
Bella looked up as she was brought out of her thoughts by a knock on the door. She looked curiously as Kol walked in. “Something wrong?”
“I’m just curious.” He stated as he entered. “Why is Henrik asking Klaus about you? He’s practically demanding Klaus to tell him the truth.”
Bella shook her head in defeat, he didn’t even believe her anymore. “He asked me why I was here, who I really was. He didn’t believe me, Kol. He’s not willing to believe anything I say.” Her tear filled eyes looked up to Kol. “He’s really forgotten me, Kol, he’s really let me go.”
Kol took a seat beside Bella, in a matter of days he had seen her as a sister. Now, as he watched her start to fall apart he was surprised to see how much he really cared for her. It grew to the point where he put his arm around her shoulders and let her cry into his shoulder. “Ah, little mermaid, he’s just being a fool.”
Bella gave a watery laugh. “Don’t call me little mermaid.”
“Would you prefer Ariel? Or maybe little fishy?” Kol said hoping if anything to get her to laugh. Sadness didn’t fit Bella’s personality well.
Bella shook her head. “If those are the only options I have, I prefer little mermaid.”
Bella took in a deep breath. She had expected after that one talk for it to get better. Her optimism began to win out and she wanted nothing more than to believe that maybe she could get him to remember. To feel something for her again.
As Bella watched the lines to the road pass by she couldn’t help but be angry at herself. How stupid she had been to believe that Esther had used a simple spell. This spell was stronger than she had realized and her efforts weren’t going to be enough. Because in the end, it had to come from Henrik. And for a reason she couldn’t understand, he hated her.
Her mind drifted to the night she really saw things shift in the wrong direction. When she understood that maybe she should just give him some space of his own to think on the recent events that had occurred.
-Back to Memories-
Bella walked into her and Henrik’s room to see that his things had been moved. She had barely been sleeping so the only real time she entered the room was to grab a change of clothes or something that she needed.
She watched as Henrik stepped out of the bathroom. “What are you doing?” She questioned.
“I don’t think it’s appropriate for us to share a room, seeing as I don’t know you.” Henrik said his tone filled with more calm then Bella wanted for it to be.
“You’re serious.” She said as she looked around. “Where are you going?”
“This house is large, there are several empty rooms available for me to see as my own.” Henrik replied.
“I… Henrik, you don’t have to go. I have far fewer things, I can leave.” Bella said wanting to do anything to keep him in the room that was once shared by the two of them. She had hoped it would bring some twinkling memory.
“No. I’ve already got everything packed and most of my things have already been moved.” Henrik replied he grabbed his bags and disappeared out of the room.
Bella stood still not knowing what to do anymore. She trembled as the thought of him not wanting to be anywhere near her was setting in. She fell to her knees and let the tears flow down her face as she looked at the now lifeless room. Nothing felt the same without him.
“Bella.” Nik’s voice echoed throughout the room as he entered cautiously.
Bella shook her head. “He doesn’t feel me, Nik. I… I feel so lost without him. He was my anchor and now he’s gone.”
Klaus helped Bella to her feet. “You need to rest, Bella.” He said as he helped her onto the bed. “Leave it to me, I’ll figure something out. I’ll help you fix all of this, I promise.”
Bella nodded, she grabbed the mermaid monkey and clutched it tightly to her as it smelled just like Henrik and she didn’t want to give it up. “I feel so broken, Nik.”
Klaus simply nodded, “Get some rest, Bella. I promise we’ll figure this out.”
She hadn’t been lying to Klaus. She still feels broken inside as if she weren’t in one whole piece anymore, instead now she was broken into millions of pieces and the further she drove the more pieces she lost.
Bella shook her head trying to stop herself from crying anymore. The last straw had come when they were the only two in the home. That was when everything had really fallen apart for her. She didn’t know what had made him so angry, but she couldn’t stand to see him like that towards her anymore.
-Back to the Memories-
Bella hummed quietly as she put together lunch. She had been doing well to stay out of Henrik’s way understanding that he needed space. She had unknowingly become closer to Kol, truly starting to see him like she saw Klaus, a brother. Kol had become someone she could talk to about Henrik, because Klaus was always with Henrik, so that only left her Kol to talk to.
Bella turned her head as she heard Henrik enter the kitchen. “Sorry, I’m almost done here.” She finished up her sandwich and the one she had made for Kol. She put Kol’s in the fridge before turning back to Henrik. “I’ll be going now.”
Henrik stopped her, “May I ask you another question, Bella?”
Bella paused she set her sandwich down and looked at him curiously. “Seeing as you didn’t believe my answer the last time, I would say it wasn’t necessary to ask me if you plan to just ask Klaus.”
“I had to have a second opinion, it’s only logical.” Henrik responded.
Bella nodded, “Ask what you please, Henrik.”
“What are you doing here?” Henrik asked as he watched Bella tense completely at his question.
“I live here.” Bella responded not understanding the hostility she was getting from Henrik.
“I won’t remember you.” He stated as he stood to his full height. “Is that why you stay here? Do you hope I’ll magically remember who you are one day and things would get back to what you think they once were?”
Bella straightened out her shoulders. “Why are you saying this, Henrik?”
“I’m just curious. You seem to act as if you’re in so much pain because I can’t remember you, but you seem so normal to me.” Henrik said as he crossed his arms over his chest. “I wish to know why you act as if you actually feel anything towards me.”
Bella took in a deep breath. “Are you hinting that I may not love you? That everything I’m doing and saying is just an act?”
“Yes.” Henrik replied simply.
Bella laughed bitterly. “I’ve loved you for years. You have and always will be my one true love. Maybe you just don’t wish to see it anymore, Henrik. I’ve been hoping day and night that something will trigger your memories that maybe, you’ll remember me. Remember that I love you and that you loved me. I guess hope is just for the stupid. It’s obvious to me now that you don’t want to remember. You’re not trying to get back your memories, you want to go on as if there was nothing wrong.”
Bella stepped closer to Henrik and kept his stare. “Tell me what it is you really want, Henrik.” She said her voice taking on that musical tone as she spoke.
“I want you to leave.” He spoke calmly. “I don’t want you with my family and I don’t want you near me. All you are is a problem and my family will be better off without you.”
Bella nodded, she kept the tears away from her eyes and kept her face blank as this was not the moment to show any amount of weakness. “If that’s what you want, fine. I’ll go, because I love you and all I’ll ever want is for you to be happy. Even if it means no longer being near you.” Bella swallowed the lump in her throat as she walked past Henrik. She stopped looking down at the ring on her finger. “Goodbye, Henrik.”
Bella caught the sight of her empty finger, the ring that tied her to Henrik now absent. She had left it behind her goodbye to him, her promise that she would stay away for as long as he wished.
Her goodbye to Klaus had brought her close to tears and as much as he tried to stop her she wouldn’t let him. She would always do what made Henrik happy, even if it was killing her to do it.
-Back to the Memories-
Bella put the last suitcase in the back of her car. She ran her hand along it as she remembered the road trip she and Henrik took in the car. She smiled as her mermaid monkey was in the back of the seat.
“You don’t have to leave.” Klaus insisted as he watched her. “This is your home.”
Bella smiled sadly. “It was our home, Nik, and as much as I hate this I know if I don’t leave he will. He needs you. I’ll be fine, I’ll find something to do.”
“Bella…” Klaus trailed off as he came to a realization. “Nothing I do is going to make you stay.”
Bella shook her head, “There are things you always have to do for the one you love.”
“Have you lost hope in him?” Klaus questioned.
“Never.” Bella smiled sadly. “But I can’t do anything until he regains his hope. He was right in his own way, Nik. I shouldn’t be here. It’s killing me to be so close to him, but at the same time be so far away. I have to let him go, I have to let him live the life he wants. I can’t force him to be with me.”
“He’ll remember you,” Klaus assured in an attempt to make her stay.
Bella smiled, “When he does, he can find me. If I know my Henri, he’ll always be able to find me, he just has to remember.”
“I wish you wouldn’t leave.” Klaus said.
Bella smiled sadly. “I’d never make you choose between me and him, Nik. He’s your brother and you should stay with him. I’ll be fine on my own, I promise.”
Bella pulled into the gasoline stop her first stop in hours. She leaned back in her seat as she parked to put gas. She took in a quivering breath as she tried to stop her aching heart.
“I believe it may be best if I drive, little mermaid.” Kol said as he unbuckled his seat belt.
Bella nodded she put her hand on her chest just above her heart. “I think my heart just stopped.”
Kol opened the car door and blurred over to Bella’s side, he quickly unbuckled her and placed her in the passenger seat. “If this is the worst it’ll ever get for you, at the very least you know that it can only get better from here.”
Bell nodded she covered her face with her hands and sobbed. “It hurts so much, Kol. Like I’m breaking apart and as much as I try to put myself together there’s always a large piece missing and if I make one little movement I fall apart. I don’t know if I can do this.”
“Do you still love, Henrik?” Kol asked as he forced her to look at him.
Bella nodded, “Always.”
“Then you have to know that he feels the same, he just doesn’t know it yet. One day soon he’ll realize what he’s done and he’ll find you. All that’s left to do is wait for him to understand.” Kol said he watched as Bella nodded. He reached to the back of the car and handed her the monkey. “Now, try not to have a panic attack while I put gas and buy something unhealthy for us to eat.”
Bella nodded, she was glad that Kol had forced himself onto her trip. She knew in that moment she wouldn’t have been able to do this without him.
-Back to Memories-
Bella hugged Klaus goodbye. “I’ll make sure you know I’m okay.”
Klaus nodded, “I wish you wouldn’t go alone.”
“And she won’t.” Kol said blurring towards the car and putting away his duffel bag. “I decided to tag along for this little trip.”
“Kol…” Bella began.
Kol rolled his eyes, “There’s not much you can do now that I’ve made up my mind. Now, are we going to get going? I really don’t wish to hit any traffic.”
Bella watched as Kol got into the passenger seat and buckled himself in. “I could just make you leave my car.”
“You could, but you won’t.” Kol said as he leaned the seat back and kicked his feet up on the dashboard. “Are we going or not, little mermaid?”
Bella looked to Klaus, “I guess you got your wish.” She whispered, she gave him a tight hug. “I’ll see you again, Nik.”
“Be safe,” Klaus said as he walked her to the driver’s door. “Where are you going?”
Bella sighed, “I don’t know, I suppose I’ll just see where the road ends.” She looked back up at the house Henrik had left after their talk in the kitchen decided to head to town with Elijah, Rebekah, and Finn.
“I’ll tell him you said goodbye.” Klaus said.
Bella shook her head. “I already said goodbye, Nik. But when the time is right, tell him I’m waiting for him. Bye, Nik.”
Bella pulled out and drove, she didn’t follow any specific path she just drove. She looked over to Kol and smiled. “Thank you.”
Kol shrugged, “The last thing I want is for Henrik to get his memories back and know that we all let you leave alone. Besides, you’re as much of a sister to me as Rebekah is, possibly more as you don’t really aggravate my nerves like she does.”
Kol got into the passenger seat and looked at Bella as she no longer had the monkey with her, instead she was just leaning back and staring at the stars.
“Kol.” She said quietly. “Do you know where the best place is to watch the stars?”
“I have a feeling you know the answer and that’s our first stop.” Kol said as he started the car.
“It’s always in the places with the least pollution, the places with the most nature. That’s where the sky is the clearest and the stars really shine.” Bella said quietly. “I think maybe it’s time that I go back home.”
“Where exactly is home for you?” Kol questioned as he felt he would need directions.
“Forks, Washington.” Bella said as she curled up into a ball and pressed her head against the window. “That’s home.”